It is all I can do NOT to make sure he is doing this. One of the most common signs of a narcissistic son is an exaggerated sense of his own importance. I really just want to die.BTW to all you self-righteous cows. If this comes to be, what do I say? Lol. As soon as she’s 18 I am cutting her off. And in some strange way that brings some level of peace. I take him to doctors and therapists but he won't talk. I feel like I’m going to literally lose my mind on a daily basis. They are a******* and suck! It is literally a matter of life and death. The end result was that nothing was done, and my son felt that I was on a crusade to prove he was stupid. Copyright © 1995-2020 Psych Central. My daughter is 20 now with a son nearly 2 and I am saving myself now. I don’t. She hates me and lets it be known. But what would it look like if you were proud of who he actually is, not what he “could” be? How can parents protect their relationships with each other while also caring for a kid with challenging behavior? Warmest regards. THAT’S ALL YOU SAY. All she wants to do is delight in the misery of others. You are a smart woman and seem to be begging me for the tough love that you know you need. When do I just leave him to his own devices? Anyway, I am glad you wrote in, because I see many clients like you, and to be blunt, this dynamic with overinvolvement with adult children rarely turns out well. We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to and affiliated sites. I thought I'm pleasing her and she won't feel the pain of not being with her family and her what I get from her is S***, she hits me, and doesn't respect me AT ALL. Emma please consider speaking to your doctor about your son's behaviour. Punishment, grounding, taking things away like phone, tv, even her privacy(like her bedroom door) privileges, calling police, having her committed to a psychiatric hospital at least three times in the past 4 years. You can’t even have them? So I avoid calling him, because I’m afraid of what I will hear. We will all survive. Support the other parent in taking a problem-solving approach—underlying a child’s outburst can be valid frustration.”. (i felt he could step into adulthood and be a mature person) anyway, they let him in but i feel my efforts were in vain. Yes you were a teenage mum but look at the things that you have had to overcome to be where you are now. I say this, because teenagers I know have commented that their acne seemed to upset their parents more than it did themselves. make a point of talking about it and working on it, every day. I love my daughter but I do not like her and cannot continue living like this another moment. I feel there is no hope for my 12 year old daughter, and she is mentally damaging her younger sisters. The relationship is co-dependent, and you can tell because you don’t feel empathy for him, you actually feel the emotions that HE HIMSELF is supposed to be feeling, which indicates an unhealthy enmeshment. Ive tried so hard to teach him manners and respect and to be a valuble member of society. I only just read this today. but jeez why does he have to decide to change apartments NOW, right in the holiday season, for gods sake. He would stay up all night playing computer games, eating bags and bags of candy at once, and other impulsive behaviors. and he just can’t seem to get off the couch. As for the present time, it is with every fibre of my being that I am keeping myself at arm’s length. Or even get her into counseling? Have you thought any more the offer of asking Family Lives to take a look at your thread? You are not in her shoes, and don't know what she is going through you dumb b*****. She’s rooted herself in zero values and standards lifestyle. Here are some examples of healthy ways to respond to your son: Son: My boss is such an asshole. My one mistake I did nt check with the other mum she was staying! Does she even mind him? Your son is much too old for you to keep tabs on him in this way. you don't have experience to go on with your first so your bound to mess up abit right ? She's ran away several times we had to call the police to find her. i wen mad at him and was yelling at him to get out of my house. 3- Empathize with his girlfriend. Emma, please try to stop blaming yourself for your son's behaviour. I had to be in constant contact with his teachers. Even through it all I still love him but my soul is being crushed daily. my daughter is also very well manned and well behaved. He is almost certainly not doing any of this to hurt you Emma - he is almost certainly doing this because he wants to be independent and do things his own way. In your twenties you went back to college to make up for the qualifications for you missed at school so that together with your partner you could provide a good lifestyle for your family unit. I’m in The same boat. You could also enquire about taking your son to a dietician. * Mary-anne Scott has raised four boys and written four novels for young adults. Son has also given notice at his apartment for. It sounds like while the issue with your teen needs some attention, you should also get some help and support for you as an individual (self care). Or even if you KNOW the difference, can you still stop yourself from jumping in? I was told I couldn’t return to the family home so I am living alone in an apartment. Someone was definitely stupid for having YOU. 1- Seek counseling. It may alleviate your fears a bit if you know there's a responsible adult in the house. It is really hard. It may be chemical imbalance in her brain or just the lack of discipline. We have tried grounding her, taking everything away, taking privileges away, limiting access to friends taking computer away anything I can think of. My DD (17) has special needs. My wife and I almost separated several times. Or even if you KNOW the difference, can you still stop yourself from jumping in? Had I known, I may not have had children. The others just did their thing from early on, definitely by high school they managed their homework. The DNA replicant you just had to have is not an offshoot of YOU, but an individual.Surprise! i think its now his decision and i cant make him do it. My son is now 13 and had been diagnosed ED / ADHD since he was 3. I adore my kids and have been a mum since just after my 15th birthday, it wasn't ideal so young but i have always took this responsibility as the number 1 priority. Your son's biological dad died when he was a toddler, you met your partner who has brought your son up and treated him as his own. Have you the smallest notion how shattered, bewildered and hopeless we are?Do you think we wouldn’t give all we have to have your happy situation? Don't disrespect!! He managed to find another full time job, $2.50/hr less, no health benefits, no pension. All for what? Son has also given notice at his apartment for Jan.1 and is looking for a new place with his girlfriend. She makes it her life's mission to cause me mental anguish. If he comes back then it should be on the condition that he attends college or is working with connexions to get a job/training. But I want to help him. Something I expressly told her not to do. What a nightmare! It hurts so much to say and I hate myself for feeling this way. An organisation which may be useful to speak to right now is Family Lives . Remember you are the parent, not her friend. i have another son nearly 13 who is an angel. “It’s important that each spouse openly acknowledges concrete parenting behaviors that each partner has to offer,” Bernstein says. But. My son’s therapist suggested I see someone, but I don’t know if that’s the right thing I need. Anonymous confessions, stories and advice. That's the completely frustrating part- often parents ARE doing what they are supposed to, and it just doesn't work. Walk away a go sit outside in nature regain composure and face it with a different perspective.These brats are our babies they weren’t always fresh faces but this is part of growing up doing dumb s*** like everyone does ! IF!!) And I’m not. But I have always worried about him, and spent his entire school career fighting for extra support, for disability testing, assessment, everything. LMAOYou delicate flowers just can't handle the truth. I don’t. Then he spat at the doctor. This article was originally published in 2017 and updated on March 10, 2020 by Elizabeth Yuko. “We are too worn out to even care enough to get divorced.” Another mom with a behaviorally challenging child, Hannah, told me that she fantasizes about divorce just so she could get a regular break from the kids. Learn how your comment data is processed. That when we nursed them, changed them, played with them, marvelled at their first tottering steps, dreamed about their futures, watched anxiously at their first day at school that we didn’t love them with every fibre in our beings? I truly believe he will be the death of me and possibly his little sister if I continue to let him live with us, so he has to go. He has been called out at work for being slow, lazy, late, disorganized. Teenage years can be tough, but is something else going on that maybe you don't know about? All rights reserved. I cannot do anything or be around anyone because she has been running me through this play for 3 years straight. I am so, so exhausted by it all. What did the police say this bad crowd were up to? He go his stuff and left about 20 minutes ago saying he wasnt coming back, but what do i do ?

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